


Procedure

by eve11



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Ficathon, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-01
Updated: 2013-05-01
Packaged: 2017-12-10 02:01:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/780480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eve11/pseuds/eve11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Foreigners never read the signs, and they never planned for security.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Procedure

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Round 2 of the Flash Fiction Comment-a-Thon at the who-at-50 livejournal community: 
> 
> http://who-at-50.livejournal.com/33659.html
> 
> Prompt: Flight

\------

Bin 1: Leather shoes. Pocket watch. Wide-brimmed brown fedora. Check. Clear.

Bin 2: Multi-colored scarf, overflowing the sides. Check. Clear.

Bin 3--

The metal detector buzzed. Bleary eyed, Jake swiped a small plastic bowl from the stash at his side and set it on top of the X-ray machine for his partner manning the gate. Pedro was the tall and silent type, so without looking up, Jake said, "Remove all items from your pockets and try again."

"Really?" came a booming voice. Jake looked up. A pair of bulging eyes blinked back at him from under a shock of brown curly hair. "Are you sure?"

"That's the procedure," Jake said slowly. Foreigners never read the signs, and they never planned for security. With that accent and the scarf, Jake figured, Fort Lauderdale must be a million miles from home for this guy.

"Only we're slightly pressed for time, you see," said the man.

Pedro did his best to look imposing, and Jake sat up straighter. "Pro-ce-dure. You do want to stay safe, don't you?"

The man's eyebrows shot up and his eyes bulged even further. Then, he suddenly plucked the bowl from atop the scanner and broke into the most disconcerting grin Jake had ever seen.

"Well, in that case," he said. "I'll be needing a few more of these--"

"Doctor!" the woman next in line hissed. The man turned, and Jake sighed, realizing there were two of them. His traveling companion was dressed like a cross between Pocahontas and Wonder Woman. She nodded her head toward a flight crew passing through the express lane.

The man--the Doctor--watched the crew as they rushed by, speaking animatedly at each other, their smart black travel bags clacking on the tiles behind them. Some were texting last minute messages. Others clutched coffees or rummaged through take-out bags, hurrying to get a few bites in before the flight. It was all as ordinary as it could be.

"Hmmm," said the man.

The woman stepped back. "Shall I--?"

"Not now, Leela." He leaned an elbow on the scanner and said genially to Pedro, "Don't mind us. Simply passing through."

"Yes." The woman narrowed her eyes, and then stared icily at Jake. "We are tourists. We have traveled your southern realm and now plan to return to the land of New Ark for our journey home."

"All very good," boomed the man, gesturing the woman ahead of him in line. A glint from her hip caught Jake's eye as she turned. Pedro cleared his throat.

"Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you for that knife."

She appraised him and laughed. "You may ask. But the honor of touching this blade falls only to those who can wrest it from me."

"Special dispensation! We've signed a form." The man whipped out a piece of paper with a notary seal and handed it to Pedro, then went back to digging through his pockets. Three balls of string, a bag of sweets, a candle holder, a pair of flip-flops, something that looked like a tire pressure gauge, and a copy of "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" dropped one by one into three woefully small bowls. The man brandished a child's doll that nonetheless was green with three arms, and used it to point out another flight crew bustling through the express lane.

"Look again, and count," he said under his breath, and plunked the doll down into a fourth bowl.

The words were like a radio signal tuned to his brain amid the chaos. Jake looked. And counted. Bags, cell phones, breakfast, wallets, gestures, and still the rollerboards, clacking along behind...

The man's belongings chugged through the x-ray machine, unchecked.

"They're not--" said Jake.

"No," said the Doctor with a ludicrous toothy grin.

"They've got--"

"Yes."

Jake's heart started to pound. "What?-- How--?"

"Procedure," he murmured, bringing a finger to his lips. "You do want to stay safe, don't you?"

Jake swallowed.

"Let them through," he told Pedro.

"There's a good man!" The Doctor stopped long enough to wind his scarf, step into his shoes, and tip his hat after his companion sped past. Then they both melted into the throng.

**

Three bowls of trinkets (minus the tire pressure gauge, which went missing) ended up on the registry of confiscated items on May 24th, 2011 at Fort Lauderdale Hollywood International Airport. Jake pocketed the three-armed doll and kept an eye on the news from Newark.


End file.
